I Love and Accept myself

I LOVE AND ACCEPT MYSELF! 5 simple words right?? Wrong!  I say I love and accept myself through out the day every day. To me I love and accept myself honers how I am feeling right now. Not passing judgement. It is going to be a life long lesson for me to remember! When I was going through one of the biggest spiritual transformation's of my life I kept repeating to myself I love and accept myself I love and accept myself while crying my eyes out of course! You see I never fully love and accepted myself. When I started the big change into becoming a young lady I just became a not so happy person. I think that when growing up we are not taught to listen, honer and accept ourselves and what is going on inside. We just go along with our busy mundane live's. Around 16, 17, I started the typical teenage scene, I had played hockey for about 5 years I had a scholarship to play hockey in Grande Praire (remember I was from Dawson Creek Grande Praire was a big deal :)) But thought other extra circular activities  were way cooler. I starting to drink and dabble into other substances. By this time I of course loved and accepted myself.... (right) because I knew everything :| !!! I was alway's bogged down by the; well what do you want to do when you grow up? What are you going to do after you graduate. I had no idea! Never taking the time to stop and ask myself or listen to my insides! I went on not caring and trying to do anything to figure out this life thing (Like many of us) not getting anywhere feeling lost and forgotten. I moved away for about 3 years to Red Deer and Calgary but also got no where! Not respecting myself or my body! I didn't realize what it was to respect and take care of my mind and body! It was a dark time in my life and I was just looking for a guy to take care of and love me. (yes not realizing I needed to do that!) I ended up moving back to Dawson started hanging out with the same people that I had moved away from the first time. One night I met my now husband. We dated for a little while then ended up getting pregnant I was 22.... OMG! What the.... @$^& was I going to do! It was to say the least one of the most trying times in my life! We didn't have a vehicle, good jobs, nothing! I found out I was pregnant mother's day. You want to talk about water works!!! It was an difficult pregnancy because I had to quite smoking (thank goodness now!) quick drinking and get a grip on life while crazy emotional and hormonal! My poor husband!!!! After we had our first daughter I was 23 and life changed! I knew I had alway's wanted a family (I'm a cancer) life was getting better! In time we ended up having 3 more babies and now I had replaced partying life with being a crazy busy mom raising 4 kids and taking care of everyone else! (I'm sure lots can attest to this). Still not even knowing what loving and accepting myself was! Not looking to myself for Acceptance but to everyone else, my husband, mom, dad, brothers! Why would I look to myself? About a year ago I started! I got out of the house and did something for myself! I knew I had to change my life! Don't get me wrong I love being a mom! I love my family life but I needed to be me to find myself! I wasn't full anymore! I kept snapping at my kids, I was super depressed. I even tried therapy! I ended up taking a weekend long course started my own business and have kept on learning from their! I started meditation;  I downloaded an app called "Inside Timer"! I listened to Live Awake; Loving and listening to yourself, meditation like 3 times a day (at least)! I now can meditate in silence for 25 minutes. (It took a long time for silence to happen for me!) I look back and think hhmmm all of my experiences in life have led me to this point! Was my life perfect? Perhaps I could of done thing's differently; but everything I have been through and experienced has led me to this point in time! I am constantly reminding myself to love and accept myself, but am no longer looking to other's for love and acceptance! It resides within! It is going to be ongoing but I know that if something is going on in life with me and someone or something else I need to stop and think for a moment, why is this triggering me and what do I need to look at in myself to change my perception of the situation?!?! I have 3 beautiful daughters and an amazing son that I need to teach these lesson's too. Life isn't perfect but loving and accepting yourself is!